I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
