I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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