dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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