In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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