So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
