also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
