Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
