You're my little dorito
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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