Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
