I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize