i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I would ride that face into the sunset
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Help. Why am I so naked?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
