JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
