The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
