Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
