She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
