I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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