somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
