I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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