it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize