The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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