okay pat passed out under dana's car
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
