I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
