just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
