OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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