Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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