Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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