I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
