i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
People in love make me want to vomit
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize