How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
