whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
