Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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