god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
it's great music for shaving your balls
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
