I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
