two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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