a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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