my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
