Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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