Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
