her vagine was all disorganized.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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