he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You're breaking my sexual little heart
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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