When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
