I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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