We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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