Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
