He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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