so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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