who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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