Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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