1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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