I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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