My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
