Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
