Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
