i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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