yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
