Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
