i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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