I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
