Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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