So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
