My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
