you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
